Welcome to the Noah Fens Fan Club!
(We’re as surprised as you are that this exists.)
Congratulations! By sheer luck, questionable decision-making, or perhaps a dare, you’ve found yourself in the prestigious Noah Fens Fan Club. And what an honour it is! (For us, not for you.)
Perks of Membership:
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a) Exclusive Ignorance – Gain access to the same level of knowledge and insight Noah has. It won’t get you far, but at least you’ll never feel underqualified in a conversation.
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b) Official Endorsement – As a certified member, you now have the right to say “I know Noah Fens” in public. Just be prepared for people to ask, “Who?”
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c) Priority Seating – At any Noah Fens event, you’re guaranteed a seat… provided you bring your own chair.
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d) Fan Club Badge – Print it yourself, wear it with pride, or just leave it in a drawer where it belongs.
What We Stand For:
A commitment to absolute mediocrity. Why strive for excellence when you can get 5★ for just being average? Noah Fens champions the idea that trying too hard is overrated, and effort should be reserved for things that really matter—like finding the best place to nap.
Rules & Regulations (Which We Mostly Ignore):
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There are no actual rules.
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If there were, Noah would have already forgotten them.
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If you have any complaints, please refer to Rule #1.
How to Get Involved:
Want to take your fandom to the next level? Simply continue existing. That’s all it takes. If you want to be extra fancy, you can follow Noah online, attend an event, or just randomly shout “Noah Fens is a legend!” in public places. We won’t stop you (but security might).
So, welcome aboard! You’re now part of an elite group of individuals who have made the bold, possibly regrettable, choice to be here. We salute you, and we deeply apologise in equal measure.
